I haven’t talked about my weight issues lately, probably because I’m not where I want to be. Why talk about it until there’s something positive to say, right?
I have been nutritionally educated for 31 years. From the moment of my diabetes diagnosis, I started learning about healthy nutrition -- both foods and management techniques. With very few exceptions, there is not much more anyone can teach me. Now, following the healthier path is something different entirely. I have tried plans, apps, support services; I’ve even considered fat camps for grown-ups. None of these really work for me. It’s a habit I have of looking for sometimes expensive external crutches when what needs to be fixed is in my head. I’m acutely aware of what I need to do, and I just . . . don’t. I’ve even been successful in the past, so I also know that I am capable of achieving these particular goals.
Side note: I want to lose weight because I don’t like how I feel at my present weight, which is about 80 pounds from where I would like to be. I am tired, sweaty, and take higher doses of medications than I should need. My musculoskeletal issues have also been exacerbated, and I can feel how much harder my damaged systems have to work to function every day. For the record, none of this is BMI-based. It has to do with the last time I felt good. My goal would still put me squarely in the overweight category, lol.
I have recently had a change of heart. Between March and June, my intake was so out of control that I blew through my entire reserve. I’m not going to go into details about how many extra vials that was, but suffice it to say that it was over 70% above my allotted dosage. That’s a lot. A whole lot. It got my attention. I determined to make a change right after an upcoming work trip (and the delay of about ten days to accommodate COVID).
I am happy to say I’m going into a successful day ten, with one little crutch. My danger zone is the space between dinner and bedtime, which is hard for a lot of us. A headline about virtual novels caught my eye around that time. It sounded like it could have potential, and after I did some research – what were they and what were some good ones? – I bought one. It was so absorbing that for the first few days, I was completely absorbed. I had to be careful that it didn’t distract me to the point of falling behind in my work. It’s mellowed a bit, but with all the options (it’s a kind of choose your own adventure setup), I still haven’t run through everything yet. So, I turn it on when cravings, boredom, and anxiety start to erode my willpower and self-control.
I think that if I stick fairly closely to the target range I have made for myself, it will start to feel more like a habit and fitting better into my current allotted insulin dosage in a few weeks. I really don’t want to ask for an increased dose – there’s a thing about the correlation between insulin dose and weight loss – but I still might. Better to ask and not need it.
At the moment, I am setting no goals but that target nutrition range. My issues are not urgent, and I always work better in a gradual build-up to major change. The next step will be exercise, where I will have to get over my self-consciousness and exercise in my building’s gym if my treadmill is still broken. But that particular hurdle is for later.
Right now, I am focusing on one step at a time.