Emotions. I’ve been thinking a lot about them lately: warm fuzzies from nieces and nephews who say they would rather stay home and play with me than go on vacation; bittersweet pride in a family member who just graduated and will be moving away, at least for a while; even a little bit of fear because I am going to have to have a cortisone shot (I don’t WANNA!) and I can’t think of a way to avoid it. I’ve heard they are painful, and I would rather just live with it, but this issue – trigger finger in my thumb – had become more than a nuisance, especially if I want to pick up the toddlers in my life.
Many years ago, I made the choice not to have kids. This choice has had the unexpected benefit of giving me the room I need to feel, understand, and manage my emotions, whether they are good or bad. I recently heard from a friend that she is a zombie after her chronic child has an overnight flareup, and it struck me how difficult it would be to pick yourself up after a difficult, or even scary, night, put a good face on everything and go about normal child caring activities for both the chronic child and the healthy children. At least I can take a day off work or have a tantrum or sleep for a day (not really – my weirdo of a body seems unable to sleep past 7am no matter how tired I am, but you get what I mean), and no one whose well-being would be affected by seeing a struggling adult can see.
This led me to think about how much parents in the patient/caregiver space must bury in order to function, which, unless these parents are in regular therapy, may never be addressed. It’s not healthy, of course, and this is just one of the reasons self-care is so important. But I have never met a caregiver parent, or any parent, who wasn’t squarely in the “do what you gotta do to make the best life for my kid” mindset.
I know a little about this because of what I put my parents through and what I have observed in those close to me, but I am in no way qualified to offer guidance or even suggestions. Honestly, I could be completely off the mark.
We are about halfway between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, so in case I’m not wrong, I would like to offer acknowledgment and recognition of everything the caregivers sacrifice for the wellbeing of their patient children.
And to ask that they please remember to take care of themselves.
Note: I did not address the children who care for their parents in this post because I hope it’s a more mature relationship and that adult children can discuss feelings with adult parents instead of burying them.