* It Has To Be You has been recorded by many artists, written by Isham Jones and Gus Kahh, 1924.
There’s been a lot of talk about the importance of self-care in recent years. That counts double for those of us with chronic and autoimmune conditions. It’s hard since a lot of us are as much caretakers of others as we are in need of care ourselves. Focusing on ourselves comes about as naturally as writing a cover letter (my least favorite thing to write and I have been writing professionally and for fun for over three decades). But it has to be done.
I really should be the last person talking about this. When I was 20, I bought a book called Diabetes Burnout. I read it, didn’t make any changes, and just kept going as I was. I think I had diabetes burnout, but I was probably just sick and tired of feeling sick and tired from uncontrolled diabetes. By the time I bought the book, I had been scared straight and was finally on the straight and narrow. Things straightened themselves out.
This time around, as I realized I had been complaining about exhaustion for over a year, I started taking stock of everything going on. In addition to my paying job, I keep up with my family and friends, look after my apartment, my car, and my finances just like everyone else does. Then there’s all the rest. I write this blog every week, volunteer with a couple of nonprofits, and manage a bunch of chronic conditions, including spending a lot of time working out and meal planning/cooking. Not a lot in there that has an end date, and while I enjoy some of it – the things I chose to do – all told, they were taking more out of me than they were giving.
This time it really was burnout.
Knowing I was coming to a crisis point, I needed to make some changes. The first was to re-center myself, which I did as described in my post a couple of weeks ago. As part of that effort, I also looked at what paid leave I could take. With a federal holiday coming up, I could take a couple of extra days, making it into a five-day weekend. During that period, I scheduled a couple of fun meetups so I wouldn’t spend five whole days in my pajamas – always a temptation – and made a list of things I would like to accomplish that would put me ahead of the eight ball. If I just got a few of them done, mixed with some desperately needed downtime, it would be a win.
I also started thinking about how to avoid reaching this point again. Most of the things I do can’t change – job, house, car, etc. The rest I didn’t really want to change. So, I am going to have to rearrange my time to make room for more replenishing things. I don’t have a formal schedule, but here is a list of things I think will help, in no particular order:
Go to sleep on time. If you want to watch that show so badly, that’s what a DVR is for.
Exercise – not just cardio, but weight training, too.
Cut processed sugar to no more than twice a week.
Stop filling downtime with obligations to others.
See friends or family at least once a weekend.
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Spend more time outside and messing with your balcony garden.
Self-care trips – these are low key, low effort, and as inexpensive as possible. Within driving distance so I don’t miss work, away from home so I get a change of scenery, and have a few things to do, but nothing so big that I will feel guilty not doing it. If there is no budget, ask friends who are relaxing to be around (hopefully you have some) if you can camp out in their guest room or on their couch for a weekend.
If you are anywhere near approaching the state I was in -- physically and emotionally exhausted with no end in sight -- please think about what you would put on your list. Burnout is no joke. Like a lot of our symptoms, we often don’t feel like it is a legitimate complaint. But if we let it go too far, everything else comes down with it, and the worsening of disease-related symptoms will follow the ever-increasing stress-related symptoms caused by the burnout.
If you do reach burnout, find a good therapist to help you dig out. Make your list of things that you find more rewarding than taxing. Then make time. Even if it’s just one thing a month, a quarter, twice a year, it’s still something you weren’t doing before, and something to look forward to. Whatever it is, make sure it’s something where you can focus on you. Even for people whose lives revolve around caring for others, at some point, it has to be you.