One of the best things about the holidays is getting to spend time with the family and friends you may not get to see very often. For many of us, that means traveling to make that happen. For both host and traveler, there can be difficulties. The visitors are away from their comfort zones, and the visited are crowded and may be asked for special accommodations. That can cause tension that lessens the joy of the season. When chronic conditions are involved, those tensions may ratchet even higher.
Conditions like allergies, anxiety, asthma, Celiac, and anything involving chronic pain all may require some flexibility from both sides (flexibility in method, not outcome).
If You Are Visiting with A Chronic Condition
On top of all your usual symptoms, being out of your comfort zone can mean difficulty sleeping, a different diet, a different schedule, and increased stress, among other things. All of these can make your condition feel out of whack.
If you know you need accommodation for diet, quiet space, a moratorium on everything scented, or anything else that your host may have to accommodate, make sure you let them know early.
If there are issues finding a solution weigh all of your options, including whether the possible damage to your body is worth the trip. While not optimal, some condition flare-ups cause permanent damage. Maybe a video call would serve better this year.
If You Are Hosting with A Chronic Condition
Have a plan. Delegate tasks if you can. It will mitigate the stress. Even if it’s small things, those are small things you don’t have to worry about, and no one is going to object to setting a pitcher of water on the table.
Don’t be afraid to disappear if you need a breather. Or more than a breather. If your pain or other condition flares up, take the time you need to get to where you need to be. Anyone you know well enough to invite into your home will understand.
If You Are Hosting Someone with A Chronic Condition
Keep in mind that requests are legitimate. Most chronic patients would not ask for accommodation if they did not need them. It goes against our habit of minimizing everything.
Take accommodation requests seriously. I have heard a lot of stories about relatives who thought someone was “just being difficult” or “being a drama queen” when requesting certain dietary accommodations. But we’re not. My fish allergy. My loved one’s Celiac. Some conditions require absolutely no cross-contamination. If we get even a touch, a hospital visit is not out of the question.
If it’s impossible to accommodate a request fully, say so. There are usually other options – bringing a sealed separate meal, staying in a hotel if a house can’t be cleared of heavy scents. Tell your chronic guest what is possible and what’s not, and have a discussion about what solution(s) will suit everyone.
Set aside a room if your chronic guest needs a private, quiet place to get a handle on their conditions. Maybe a kid’s room or an office. Not a bathroom. I don’t like messing with my insulin pump in a bathroom, no matter how clean it is, and if someone needs more than 10 minutes, it can get awkward occupying a room set aside for everyone’s use. That being said, if you have a guest with a gastrointestinal condition, making available a bathroom in a different part of the house (If you have one) if they need it is a kind gesture.
The point of the holidays is to be together. Visiting is always fun, but a schlep. Throw chronic conditions into the mix and that schlep can become a mishegas. But proper preparation and a willingness to problem-solve can minimize the difficulty. Be as patient and kind to yourself as you are to your family and friends Don’t push yourself too hard or too far. Say what you need to be healthy and make sure you get it.
We at The Patient Advocate’s Chronicle wish you all a wonderful holiday season with minimal mishegas.